You will need:
- 200g fresh cranberries
- 2 clementines
- 6Ts Port or red wine if you don’t have
- 100g caster or light muscovado sugar
- 1/2tsp ground cloves
- 1/2tsp cinamon
- pinch of nutmeg
Add the cranberries, port, sugar and juice of one clementine to a small pan and boil on medium for 10 minutes, stirring often. The cranberries should pop, then the mixture will start to thicken. Add the spices and continue to cook until the desired consistancy - I like mine quite thick. Peel and segment the second clementine, taking off the membrane if you can be bothered, then add to the mixture about 3 minutes before you think it will be done, so there are still chunks of clementine.
Transfer into a jar and serve with your Christmas dinner :)
Ok I know this isn’t really much like actual paté, but come on - thats a good thing! This stuff works great as an alternative when everyone you know has moved on to cheese and crackers on Christmas day, and you’re all out of whatever crappy fake cheese you have convinced yourself you can bear. Also, its super easy to make, cheap and tasty.
- Drain and boil one can of chickpeas for 5 minutes on high, until al denté. Chuck in your food processor and pulse a few times to get them chopped up, but still chunky.
- Slice half a really small onion or a shallot, and fry in some olive oil with your desired amount of garlic - I used one clove, but that may be too much for some people because you could really taste it. Cook until glassy, then add to the blender.
- Add 1Ts tomato paste, and splash of soya sauce and lemon juice, then any herbs and spices you desire. I used a shake of paprika, ground coriander, and italian herbs mix. I also spooned in half a tsp marmite, for some extra flavour.
- Pulse until combined, but not completely smooth - you may have to scrape dow the sides a few times, then taste and adjust the flavours, season with salt and pepper and transfer into a container.
Enjoy on crackers, as a sandwich filler, or just chucked on a salad :)
Piss Easy Tofu Noodle Miso Soup
Sometimes, you need to suck it up, and just deep-fry your tofu. Fuck it, its Christmas.
- Press tofu for as long as you can have time to - between 20 minutes and an hour. Wrap it in a couple of kitchen towels then a teacloth, then place a chopping board and some tins on top.
- Cut into little chunks, then rub with seasoning - a little bouillon powder, salt and pepper, then fry in quite a bit of oil on medium heat for 10 minutes, turning frequently.
- Stir fry half a red onion and a handful of mushrooms, with some grated fresh ginger and a crushed clove of garlic (optional), on medium heat for 5 minutes.
- Boil a portion of dried noodles as per packet instructions.
- Place all of the ingredients in a large bowl with a cup of boiling water, a sachet of miso soup powder, some soy sauce, a splash of lemon juice, salt and pepper.
Creamy Butternut Squash, Red Onion and Thyme Coconut Soup
Easy, satisfying and perfect for the recent onset of autumn.
1 large squash (any would work, even pumpkin)
2-3 big sweet potatoes
one medium red onion
1 sprig fresh thyme
1 can coconut milk
2 cups vegetable stock
1tsp smoked paprika
salt and pepper
Peel the veg, cut into 1 inch chunks and roast for an hour on a high heat with the thyme, salt, pepper and plenty of olive oil.
Fry the onion in a large pan on low-med heat, until starting to caramalise. Add the roasted squash and sweet potato with the stock, use a handheld blender to whizz until chunky, then stir in the coconut milk and season to taste.
Serve with granary bread and eat in bed.
Tofu, Kale and Asparagus Stir Fry
Firstly, press the tofu by wrapping it in kitchen roll and a teatowel, then placing it under a weighed down chopping board. Leave for 30 minutes, then unwrap and place in a marinade and refrigerate for at least an hour. For a tasty Tofu marinade, add these to a large plastic tupperware box and shake:
- 4Ts soy sauce
- 3Ts lemon juice
- 1Ts sunflower oil
- 1Ts rice, or apple cider vinegar
- 1Ts agave or other syrup
- 1tsp shredded fresh ginger
- 1tsp lemongrass paste
- 1tsp minced garlic
- 2tsp ground coriander
- 1Ts dried coriander leaf or a small handful of fresh chopped coriander
- chilli powder to taste
- salt and pepper
Fry the tofu in a tiny bit of oil, gradually turning up the heat over about 20 minutes, turning each piece to ensure even browning. When dark brown and crispy, place to one side and stir-fry any vegetables you fancy. I used these, and withe the tofu and a bag of fresh rice noodles, it made 3-4 servings:
- a red onion
- 10 asparagus stalks
- half a large red pepper
- 6 large white mushrooms
- half a big bag of fresh kale
- handful baby corn
Finely chopped half the onion and sauté with a minced clove of garlic. leave the remaining half in slices, and stir fry on medium to high heat, with the rest of the vegetables, adding the remaining marinade, a little oil and some more soy sauce. Cook until the kale is wilted, but the veggies are still crunchy. Add the noodles and tofu and cook for a further 3 or 4 minutes, then serve.
Asparagus, tomato and black olive Focaccia; Fennel, Blueberry and Lime salad; and Falafel bites
With Corn on the Cob, Salad and Hummus
Bean burger Recipe:
- 1 tin kidney beans, drained and rinsed
- 2 slices brown seeded bread
- 1Ts tomato pureé
- a sprinkle of chopped walnuts, and pumpkin seeds
- 1 red onion
- 2Ts lime juice (or lemon)
- 1tsp oregano and basil
- 1/2tsp paprika
- 1/4tsp cayenne pepper
- 1/2tsp cumin
- plain flour
- Pour the kidney beans into a big mixing bowl and mash with a fork until they’re still a bit chunky.
- Chop the onion finely and fry in a little oil until glassy, then add to the bowl.
- Tear up the bread and rub between your hands into the bowl to make crumbs.
- Add the rest of the ingredients, and mix thoroughly, then add a small handful of flour and mix in. Keep adding flour in small amounts until it sticks together and you can press it with your hands into three or four small patties.
- Rub a little flour on the outsides then fry on a low heat in a little olive oil, until browned, then flip and repeat.
Serve with salad, or whack em in a bread bun :)
Lemon and Coriander Quinoa, Chickpeas and Veg
- Measure out 75g per person, of white rice and quinoa in equal amounts, and Boil on medium in plenty of water, with a veggie stock cube, and a big shake of ground coriander.
- When the rice is close to cooked, chop up and fry a head of broccoli and a few mushrooms in a little oil and soy sauce. Add a tin of chickpeas to the rice and continue to cook.
- When both the vegetables and rice have cooked, drain the rice and pour back into the saucepan, then add the veg, a splash of lemon juice, soy sauce and a handful of fresh coriander, salt and pepper.
- Serve over fresh spinach and with more lemon juice and soy sauce.