You will need:

• 200g fresh cranberries
• 2 clementines
• 6Ts Port or red wine if you don’t have
• 100g caster or light muscovado sugar
• 1/2tsp ground cloves
• 1/2tsp cinamon
• pinch of nutmeg

Add the cranberries, port, sugar and juice of one clementine to a small pan and boil on medium for 10 minutes, stirring often.  The cranberries should pop, then the mixture will start to thicken.  Add the spices and continue to cook until the desired consistancy - I like mine quite thick.  Peel and segment the second clementine, taking off the membrane if you can be bothered, then add to the mixture about 3 minutes before you think it will be done, so there are still chunks of clementine.  

Transfer into a jar and serve with your Christmas dinner :)

Ok I know this isn’t really much like actual paté, but come on - thats a good thing!  This stuff works great as an alternative when everyone you know has moved on to cheese and crackers on Christmas day, and you’re all out of whatever crappy fake cheese you have convinced yourself you can bear.  Also, its super easy to make, cheap and tasty.

1. Drain and boil one can of chickpeas for 5 minutes on high, until al denté.  Chuck in your food processor and pulse a few times to get them chopped up, but still chunky.  
2. Slice half a really small onion or a shallot, and fry in some olive oil with your desired amount of garlic - I used one clove, but that may be too much for some people because you could really taste it.  Cook until glassy, then add to the blender.
3. Add 1Ts tomato paste,  and splash of soya sauce and lemon juice, then any herbs and spices you desire.  I used a shake of paprika, ground coriander, and italian herbs mix.  I also spooned in half a tsp marmite, for some extra flavour.
4. Pulse until combined, but not completely smooth - you may have to scrape dow the sides a few times, then taste and adjust the flavours, season with salt and pepper and transfer into a container.  

Enjoy on crackers, as a sandwich filler, or just chucked on a salad :)